2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

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Product Description

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs."  "I became suicidal because of multiple intense  involvements."

"I spent money on sex when I  needed it for children''s clothes."

"I  lost promotion opportunities and a special  scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex  life."

Every day they face the possibility of  destruction, risking their families, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks  of life: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were  abused as children--sexually, physically or  emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early  lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well,  but their fiercest battle is with the most  astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in  America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking  work by the nation''s leading professional expert on  sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of  more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts  in the first major scientific study of the  disorder. This essential volume includes not only the  revealing findings of Dr. Carne''s research with  recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and  co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome  their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and  practical, Don''t Call It Love is  a landmark book that helps us better understand  all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path  to recovery.

From the Publisher

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements." "I spent money on sex when I needed it for children''s clothes." "I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life." Ever day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiancés, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation''s leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne''s research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, Don''t Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.

"This clear, helpful, well-organized guide... points the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality."--Publishers Weekly

From the Inside Flap

trick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs."  "I became suicidal because of multiple intense  involvements."

"I spent money on sex when I  needed it for children''s clothes."

"I  lost promotion opportunities and a special  scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex  life."

Every day they face the possibility of  destruction, risking their families, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks  of life: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were  abused as children--sexually, physically or  emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early  li

From the Back Cover

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands!"
"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements."
"I spent money on sex when I needed it for children''s clothes."
"I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life."
Every day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiances, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation''s leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne''s research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, "Don''t Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.

About the Author

"This clear,  helpful, well-organized guide... points the way  toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming  healthy sexuality."-- Publishers  Weekly

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

CHAPTER ONE
The Signs of Addiction
 
 
 
 A woman uses a vibrator so intensely she burns herself and has to go to the emergency room.
 A thirty-one-year-old man, married and the father of three small children, has been having sex with men in “hot johns” since he was seventeen. He got married to stop. He went through treatment for alcoholism to stop. Now he has AIDS. So does his wife. They are both dying.
 The priest has a thousand-dollar-a-week prostitution habit. His only way to support the habit is to steal from the parish he serves.
 Their children and friends knew. But his wife was in the dark until she discovered three volumes carefully annotating his sexual encounters with fifteen hundred women.
 A thirty-eight-year-old dentist is furious about his wife’s sexual unavailability. He secretly drugs her to have sex with her.
 A thirty-five-year-old schoolteacher is stunned as she watches Looking for Mr. Goodbar and recognizes that it fits her life with frightening accuracy.
 A thirty-three-year-old woman leaves her toddlers alone while she goes off to meet her lovers.
 A sixty-six-year-old man is arrested for the third time for stealing lingerie.
 A minister is confronted by the bishop, who has heard about his affairs with parishioners.
 A corporate technical guru has been the subject of seven sexual harassment complaints in two years. Now there is one from a major customer.
 A youth leader has sex with yet another boy. He plans suicide if ever discovered.”
 
The signs of addiction. Some would say these cases are matters of sexual excess or bad judgment or accidents. Others would dismiss them as bizarre or perverted, part of the ragged edge of life. In reality, they represent a much more serious problem: a life-threatening obsession with sex. These situations involved people whose lives were dominated by a pattern of out-of-control sex. Such people are sex addicts. They have experiences that others don’t have, at least not in the same way or to the same extent. The patterns of their lives signify the presence of an illness we are just beginning to understand.
 
We are surrounded by the signs of sex addiction yet still resist its reality. We can accept that people can be sick with alcoholism or can destroy themselves with gambling or food—but not sex. There are some who see the problem clearly but hesitate to call it an addiction. They choose words like “compulsive” or “hypersexual”—yet they have absolutely no problem calling compulsive gambling an addiction. Why is there so much resistance to recognizing the clear signs of sexual addiction? The answer resides in the central role sex plays in all of our lives.
 
1. Sex is essential. Sex is key to the survival of our species, and some of our richest cultural symbols relate to the meaning and beauty of sex. Our songs and literature testify that some of our best moments as human beings are sexual. The first statement made about every one of us is a sexual statement: It’s a boy! It’s a girl! Our sex—male or female—is a fundamental definition of who we are and strongly influences how we live out our lives.
2. Sex is powerful. People in passion will murder, betray, and exploit others. Sex sells products from cologne and cars to newspapers and talk shows. Sex changes our mood and relieves tension. From migraine headaches to arthritis, medical research tells us, sex can be a significant force in healing. But most important, sex for many becomes a bonding force; it sustains relationships through some of our most significant and difficult moments.”
3. Sex is frightening. Current estimates suggest that one out of ten men will commit date rape and that one million women will be raped this year, over half of them by someone they know. Over forty million American adults were abused sexually as children. Each day an average of three thousand teenage girls in the United States become pregnant. Our fears of sexual excess emerge in religious teachings, legislative action, and zoning ordinances, which together express an unwritten cultural code suggesting that sex is dirty and bad. Most adults can confirm that this is the cultural judgment by recalling myths told them as children to prevent sexual play. Our fear of sexual excess serves as a sad counterpoint to our own profound fears and self-doubts about our sexual adequacy. The irony, of course, is that performance anxiety and sexual exploitation are driven by some of the same fear-based sexual assumptions rooted in our culture.
 
This book is about sex addicts but also about the fear, the power, and the importance of sex. From the stories of addicts who have committed themselves to a program of recovery, painful questions emerge about public policy, church practice, and family life. We learn about the damage of child abuse, family dysfunction, and multiple addictions. Sex addiction may be the extra insight we have needed to generate a global picture of a cultural crisis: ours is an addiction-prone culture which is, moreover, becoming increasingly vulnerable to addictive illness. And sex addiction is one of the most destructive.
 
For many, this book will be painful to read. You may recognize patterns in yourself, your family members, your friends. Yet the stories shared here offer extraordinary hope. The journey to recovery starts with being able to identify the common characteristics shared by sex addicts. On the basis of our research and clinical experience, there are ten signs that indicate the presence of sexual addiction:
 
1. A pattern of out-of-control behavior
2. Severe consequences due to sexual behavior
3. Inability to stop despite adverse consequences
4. Persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high-risk behavior
5. Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior
6. Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy
7. Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient
8. Severe mood changes around sexual activity
9. Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience
10. Neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior
By exploring each sign in depth, we begin the anatomy of an addiction. We will also start to see how it has been obscured by the shadows of denial, misperception, and prejudice.
 

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4.6 out of 54.6 out of 5
192 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Steven P. Spinella
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
My go to resource for outlining realistic recovery from sexualized behaviors not in our own best interest
Reviewed in the United States on August 16, 2016
I''m surprised I haven''t already reviewed this book. I recommend it frequently since so many people are sexually compulsive, especially in the days of internet porn. I mainly work with people in Christian ministry and sexual compulsions are a common challenge because it is a... See more
I''m surprised I haven''t already reviewed this book. I recommend it frequently since so many people are sexually compulsive, especially in the days of internet porn. I mainly work with people in Christian ministry and sexual compulsions are a common challenge because it is a quiet behavior, mainly involving fantasy and sexual climax unless and until more public behaviors emerge (all addictions are progressive because the same level of simulus does not give the same level of escape over time, leading to a need to escalate frequency, intensity, and so forth.)
This book is a little overwhelming for some in ministry because it addresses a whole range of sexualized behaviors, but the beauty of it is that it provides a clear road map of what recovery and escape looks like, based on tracking the journeys of 200 people in recovery. (Compulsions is an easier word to accept than addictions for many. The point in either case is that we do things not in our own best interest and continue to do so over time.)
There are many takeaways I find very valuable, including a realistic timeline--1 year minimum to get over the worst part, 3 years to get to a point where there is not just recovery but also growth, and 5 years to recovery if all goes well. Of course, relapses happen, but the journey remains the same. Each step forward makes escape a more realistic possibility.
Many just don''t have the commitment to read this book. I recommend it more than less explicit, smaller, gentler guides.
20 people found this helpful
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Nancy
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Will answer a lot of questions for partners and SA (sex addict)
Reviewed in the United States on January 31, 2016
Very informative. I bought this book as the author is considered the expert of experts. I won''t bore you with my personal knowledge of betrayal related to sex addiction, which is also known as an intimacy disorder. In order for a person to deal with life a person with an... See more
Very informative. I bought this book as the author is considered the expert of experts. I won''t bore you with my personal knowledge of betrayal related to sex addiction, which is also known as an intimacy disorder. In order for a person to deal with life a person with an intimacy disorder uses sex, whether it is porn, affairs, a combination of both. I like that this book was able to explain that an addiction is an addiction whether it is from alcohol, drugs, over-eating, gambling, sex, video games or the internet. This is a must read for anyone who thinks sex addiction is a part of a relationship whether as the SA or the partner of a SA. I''ve read a lot of books on sex addiction. This is one of the best. Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes is also an excellent book. Currently, I am reading Facing Love addiction by Pia Mellody. I highly recommend this book also. I bought all these books from Amazon
19 people found this helpful
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Opinionated2
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Knowledge is power
Reviewed in the United States on March 14, 2016
This book helped me begin to understand what was wrong with me after struggling for a lifetime to be free. I have since loved others of Carnes'' work: Facing the Shadow, and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. I did not finish reading Part I about what it means to become... See more
This book helped me begin to understand what was wrong with me after struggling for a lifetime to be free. I have since loved others of Carnes'' work: Facing the Shadow, and A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps. I did not finish reading Part I about what it means to become addicted. It was too graphic and I got the point without needing all of the stories. Part II was about the science and medicine of recovery and it gave me much hope. Also, the model of calling the spouse a coaddict is maybe a little outdated. The models of abuse victim and betrayal trauma have been much more helpful and effective to my wife.
11 people found this helpful
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Mr Playful
4.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Its a good valid point of view that is insightful
Reviewed in the United States on April 16, 2020
A good place to start your self exploration... insightful but with its own biases (we all have them). Take it in, and then look at other approaches too. This is a good one but this process is a personal journey- no one researcher or therapist has it all. Work your way... See more
A good place to start your self exploration... insightful but with its own biases (we all have them). Take it in, and then look at other approaches too. This is a good one but this process is a personal journey- no one researcher or therapist has it all. Work your way through this, be open, self reflective and then look at other approaches too. What helps in the end is really the journey and you becoming very honest with yourself and taking in some hard truths.
One person found this helpful
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Guyman von Dudebro
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Remarkably informative
Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2021
This book is so remarkably well formatted and informative that it felt like I was reading about my own life at points. An important resource for me on a personal level. I''m structuring my written First Step around the formats of the first four chapters due to how concise it... See more
This book is so remarkably well formatted and informative that it felt like I was reading about my own life at points. An important resource for me on a personal level. I''m structuring my written First Step around the formats of the first four chapters due to how concise it is in regards to the progression of addiction.

Be aware however that as it is a fairly dated book it uses a Hard R at one point. If that offends you then just a heads up.
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Mr. Honest Quality
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Good book, Small Critical Feedback.
Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2017
It''s a cool book. It does give insight to one''s past or American society''s fixation on sexuality. I will admit that it''s a 70% of research based anecdotles (personal stories) and 30% applied successfully subjective ( to each their own) self-help treatment. I do... See more
It''s a cool book. It does give insight to one''s past or American society''s fixation on sexuality. I will admit that it''s a 70% of research based anecdotles (personal stories) and 30% applied successfully subjective ( to each their own) self-help treatment.

I do highly recommend it for those who been diagnosed as a "sex addict" also known as hypersexuality in DSM-5. However ( there''s always a smartass who says it), the coping methods may or may not work for you. Once more, to each their own.
One person found this helpful
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Water Wizard
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Masterfully done
Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2019
Patrick Carney’s does a masterful job of explaining in a very readable format, the reality that sex addiction is. He truly understands the problem and it’s solution. I am so glad to have access to this treasure.
2 people found this helpful
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Leslie Byrd
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
I had no clue why my life was such a mess!. This book is VERY accurate!
Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2012
This book changed my life and has set me free! Patrick Carnes KNOWS what he is writing about. The details in this book are very ACCURATE and the topic has been well studied and researched. Studying about sexual addiction hit me so hard, caused the tears to flow, and the... See more
This book changed my life and has set me free! Patrick Carnes KNOWS what he is writing about. The details in this book are very ACCURATE and the topic has been well studied and researched. Studying about sexual addiction hit me so hard, caused the tears to flow, and the heart and mind to be cleansed and restructured. When I realized I was not alone in this struggle, it helped me immensely, and made me more determined than ever to be delivered from this life-long torment. What is sexual addiction?? It is not all about sex, as most think. It is about love being the drug that soothes the hurts from core feelings of abandonment, loneliness and worthlessness. It is self-destructive behavior with an inability to stop. Familiar themes in lives are family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, risk to life. Most were abused as children, either sexually, physically and/or emotionally. A majority grew up in homes with addictions of alcoholism and compulsive behaviors, and most grapple with these addictions as well. Sexual addiction is the MOST difficult addiction to stop due to its nature; however, it is possible to transform despair and chaos into confidence and peace, resulting in regained trust and restoration of sexual vitality to relationships and a life of self care. What are the signs of sexual addiction??? A pattern of out-of-control behavior; severe consequences due to sexual behavior; inability to stop despite adverse consequences; persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high-risk behavior; ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior; sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy; increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient; severe mood changes around sexual activity; inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual, or recovering from sexual experience; neglect of important social, occupational, or recreational activities because of sexual behavior. These signs get obscured by the shadows of denial, misperception, and prejudice. Addicts are powerless in that they find themselves in situations they''ve intended to avoid. They lose their way and our loose culture only increases the ability to continue unnoticed. Justification of behavior is reinforced, denial increases, and isolation exists because of the secrets and shame they carry. New hopes and fresh starts end in failed attempts that kill any hope for change. Unworthiness causes them to reject real love and they opt for neurochemical highs of danger, risk, abuse, and pain and the temporary relief of escape. These are their survival skills. This book goes in depth about the addiction and how to take steps to recovery. It is an EXCEPTIONAL book - and it will help you to break free! It has been seven years for me now, and my life gets better each and every day as a result of what I have learned from this information and the actions I have taken that go along with it. Won''t you step out on faith and trust that you too can be healed and have a better life?
31 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Breanna coyle
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
I read a lot of these books searching for good resources in sexual health
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2014
I read a lot of these books searching for good resources in sexual health. Always searching for good resources from all areas of sexual health. This is just as helpful as a different sexual health book might be for a teenager. Not everyone was given good sexual health...See more
I read a lot of these books searching for good resources in sexual health. Always searching for good resources from all areas of sexual health. This is just as helpful as a different sexual health book might be for a teenager. Not everyone was given good sexual health education when they were younger and would have grown up confused about sex and relationships. This book is good as an indication of where you might be looking for love in the places that will not give you what you are looking for. Whilst defining sexual addiction specifically . There is more than just that in this book.
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M. D. Wilson
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Interesting & informative
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 2, 2019
Interesting read . Informative on the subject .
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Nicole
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Good seller, great product
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 12, 2017
Exceptional book
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hi it's Bob
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Excellent
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 8, 2018
Excellent book use full when working with people with addiction
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James B.
5.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
Patrick Carnes is a serious leading light in this field.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 14, 2013
Required reading for a 12 step fellowship he helped to found. I would not be here, for these titles recommended by such a fewlloship.
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2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

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2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online

2021 discount Don't discount Call It 2021 Love: Recovery From Sexual Addiction online